It's strange to see a life lived in defiance to the Creator come to its inevitable end. We might be more accustomed to thinking of tragedies in terms of departed loved ones, sorely missed friends and relatives...decent people that leave behind many mourners. I am not sure, though, that i have ever been acquainted with such a tragedy as someone who lived their life in a state of seeming self inflicted torment, hatred of our Creator, disdain of fellow man and self absorption, ultimately ending in suicide.
There is an old saying..."say nothing but good of the dead"...but what do you say when there isn't any genuine good to be said?
But I'm sincere in saying that it's a tragedy. One of the saddest things i've ever seen.
The person i describe wasn't a friend of mine...i'd say he was a distant acquaintance for lack of any better term. The town, as a whole, though, was familiar with him. He might have achieved a status of notoriety, if not exactly popularity. He wasn't stupid, he wasn't disadvantaged, he wasn't disabled...at least not physically. "He might have really made something of his life" people said.
He did all those things the young and foolish do early in their life...went to college, attempted to pursue a medical career but got more interested in cocaine and alcohol than his studies. Neither cocaine nor alcohol were his friends, but they couldn't explain the downward spiral that is his story either. No medical career or any career for that matter was to be his lot in life. He spent his days on his parents farm helping them keep it running. He might have made a noble pursuit of that and inherited the farm and continued to work it but he could not let go of the bitter disappointment of having missed his "big chance" in life.
So he descended further into alcohol, narcissism and OCD level hypochondria. He worshiped diligently at the alter of modern medicine...imbuing that idol with faith that would be remarkably admirable had it been directed towards YHWH...but it wasn't. He insisted on the reality of ailment after ailment..all terminal...all ready to kill him and lived his days waiting for his next doctor's appointment. The doctors themselves, in spite of the enthusiasm doctors normally have for diagnosing ailments, could only shake their heads and give him minor amounts of medication to appease him.
He did less and less as he starved himself into a state of malnourishment, convinced that nearly everything edible on earth was in some way going to kill him because of one of various illnesses he believed he had. His diet was reduced to carrots and spelt crackers and his brain, no doubt starved of vital nourishment only became more unbalanced. His diet and brain were only exacerbating a reality that had been with him most of his life though...severe demonic oppression.
One only had to mention "God" to him to have a first hand glimpse of the demonic. Many one-time friends, aquaintances and neighbors tried to persuade him to church or witness the gospel only to be met with venomous, insulting rants that drove those people away. He relied on those around him to bring him his food, to cook his meals, to care for him as the invalid that he made himself into, yet he treated those people with less regard than a decent individual should have for a dog. Finally he drove them all away and there was no one left to take him to his much loved doctor's visits and bring him his groceries. He was finally alone. He could only call the ambulance if he wanted someone there to worry over him and tend to his "sicknesses", and he did...on a more than weekly basis.
The paramedics who were repeatedly called to his home tried to talk him out of trips to the hospital, tried to persuade him that he was not in the danger he insisted he was but many times he would not be talked out of a trip to the hospital. The police finally warned that he could not continue to make frivilous calls to 911 or charges would be pressed. In all this very real mental torment that he must have been in from those demons who whispered lies to his ears, he did not turn to YHWH, nor seemingly ever question his staunch atheism.
Only the hired aids were left to come to his home and cook meals for him. One day he wrote multiple notes to those who had once been a part of his life. He didn't mention suicide, but the torment of having to soon be put in a nursing home. He said he'd finally found out who he really was but it was "too late". Did he? Was there some truth he finally reached out and found even though it really was "too late" to salvage his will for living another day? We won't know in this age. The next morning he was seen with a shot gun by the aid who had come to prepare his meal. The man attempted to ( and believed he'd succeeded in) calming him down, but the aid was soon interrupted in his duties by the sound of shot gun fire in the bedroom. He'd finally ended the tragic life he'd been living in an equally tragic way.
He wasn't stupid...he was an intelligent person. He wasn't disabled...he was blessed with very good health in spite of his self afflicted malnourishment. He wasn't disadvantaged...he grew up on a 100+ acre beautiful farm with parents who remained married all their lives and provided for him even when he showed no ability to live a life for himself. People reached out to him, people cared, people tried...and he took those things for granted until he no longer had them. The only thing that separates the sad story of this man's life from you or i is that he never had a relationship with his Savior. The only thing that keeps any of us from being a victim of ourselves and the enemy is YHWH. "There, but for the grace of God, go i."
I wish he'd cried out to YHWH...i wish he'd seen his revelation of who he really was as an oportunity for a new way of life. I wish he'd put the gun down and got on his knees. In the end he wasn't a worse person than anyone...he just wouldn't let heaven help him.
A pretty dismal story for today, but i don't think it's without it's importance for all those who witnessed the life i speak of or those that read about it. If there's anything worth mourning, it's a life that never included Messiah. We need to be thankful today that we have been blessed to be called His. YHWH does not rejoice over the death of sinner.